I had a beautiful breakfast with Shawn at this little diner I think it's in Salem. Then Shawn dropped me off at the library to attend the Swampscott Historical Society meeting. Which I did and I enjoyed that. Then I walked home on this gorgeous sunny day, dropped my purse off at my house, and headed down to the beach.
Today I am so grateful to have this apartment, to live in this lovely community, to have nothing and everything all at once.
Maybe that doesn't make a lot of sense but a few years ago our lives were so different. Today we rent not own, we drive an 89 Jeep that my brother-in-law gave us instead of the two SUV's we used to have. Today we don't have all of that responsibility hanging over our heads anymore, the constant worry about the house and knowing the house was a huge source of misery for all of us but unable to sell it to break even in it's run-down state. It was just really a ton of money going right out the window, a fucking shame. We had two hefty truck payments and ins payments and so on. I know most people understand how expensive it is to live and when your income is cut by two thirds you can't live the same way.
So this really isn't a bitch session or poor me, it's a declaration of my freedom. my freedom to be happy again.
Our lives have improved in so many ways, I am so grateful.
Having Shawn back is incredible. Sometimes I really have to stop and think is this real? Were we all so stressed out and squashed just a few months ago? Was he really on the brink of death just 14 weeks ago? Were we up to our eyeballs in debt?
It really seems like it was just a long bad dream or sometimes it seems like it's all maybe just a book that I read and not our history, our reality.
Every morning I wake to the sun rising over the ocean and bouncing off of the water and into my room. It is glorious.
My husband is breathing deep and peaceful.
We go out and enjoy seeing our friends, a lot of whom we haven't spent time with in years because Shawn was so sick and I was so fucked up. We all sit at the dinner table together each night. We all talk and laugh and goof around because Shawn's not suffering anymore. He's fat and has color in his face and life in his eyes. He can breathe. He's better. It's the most wonderful thing in the world. I can't believe how Blessed we've really been.
Today we pay our bills ahead of schedule every month because we are living within our "new" means. We live in a state that although not perfect has healthcare coverage that is made affordable to just about everyone and we'd be lost without it. Shawn's Transplant Team is amazing.
Well i realize that this whole post has been a bunch of disjointed rambling but today that's where my mind is. All over the place but very happy
I am so happy.
Rest in Peace Aunt Marybeth
1 year ago