Niagra, The TA, and meltdowns

This was written in 2009...found in drafts.



(Clearly I have not yet mastered putting F'ing photos on my blog)

Anyhoo we made the trip to Buffalo to see our friends from Florida and to pick up the Trans Am.
We had a really good time. I had two "episodes" one was pretty mild and fleeting and one was hard fucking core.

The ride to Buffalo is 10 fricken hours. Which isn't superlong and frankly is really a nice ride in the proper vehicle but 10 hrs crammed into the cab of the Dodge is a bit much. Shawn drove of course because he had the 4-wheelers on a car trailer and he doesn't trust me to handle it, HA! Really I don't care I'm very content to be just a passenger these days. Sara Lou is creeping up on 5' 6" and I'm 5 ft. So guess who gets to sit in the middle? Yup, me. Shawn is very good about stopping whenever I want so with the breaks it wasn't so bad.

We stayed in our favorite cheesy No-tell Motel, hee hee. The Blue Bird Motel. It's like $40 a night for a double, very clean, quiet and convenient to everything. It's just outdated. Like by 40 yrs! Gorgeous avacado green bathroom. I like it.

Our friends were up in Buffalo for a family wedding. The whole family is wonderful. One of the very few friends we have that we are actually pretty close with ALL of them. Parents, Grandparents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins the whole gaggle. They are just really nice unpretentious people.

Mac's wife Kim and I went to see the Body Works exhibit, unbelievable!!!! If you haven't been and you are not squeemish it's a must. I wish it had been around when I was in nursing school. Man it was incredible and I think gives you an even greater appreciation for the intricacy of the human body and the miracle of life itself.

We all went to Niagra Falls, American side. We did the whole shabang and had a great day.

death and life

I don't even know where to begin. Two years to the day after my last post my husband Shawn died. Died. Seems ridiculousous to say even still.

I used to love writing in this blog. Then life became more and more complicated and it seemed to me that when I wrote it down, it became real.  I didn't want anyone, even people who would never know me, to feel badly.  I started keeping paper journals.  I hid them.  This is my life. All of it.

So now I will try to play catch up. Two years leading up to his death, the end, the fall-out, and pulling myself from the ashes.

Life is still beautiful, I am grateful for all of it.
Let me collect my thoughts.