Thanks for the positive reinforcement. I doubt myself all of the time, I am always wondering "Am I crazy?" "Am I overreacting? " "Am I irrational, in denial, foolish and naive?"
Part of who I am is a jumble of diagnosis, mood disorder, bi-polar, ADHD, and some other crap so o.k. I accept that sometimes the way I conduct my life doesn't make sense to other people but it works. It works for us right now.
I am trying to re-gain my confidence, I am desperate for stability in our lives.
Living for so long in a constant state of crisis has left me shellshocked somewhat.
But I think in a good way. Everything is stripped away from you, everything just falls away. Well at least it did for us. Nothing but loving each other was important anymore.
We lost everything that we had worked VERY hard for.
I am so much happier for it and sometimes people don't understand how we can be happy. Satisfied with what we have. I feel like we have everything. I don't mind living in a more stripped down manner.
Mostly I want to be carefree. I want to hang on to the "knowing what is really important in life" feeling that I think is part of these life and death struggles with chronic illness.
I don't care if people think we are silly or that I am "out there". I do and I don't. Mostly I don't.
I think we can live like we are. I think that I will be successful in my venture, I believe that Shawn will be alright, I believe we will be able to pay our bills and live in a comfortable way.
So yup, fuck her and everybody else that hates happiness. Fuck'em.
Thanks ladies. Thanks for accepting me for who I am, for being so very supportive and for being honest. I can't imagine how we lived without you all. I guess we were alone and now we are not.
Rest in Peace Aunt Marybeth
2 years ago