death and life

I don't even know where to begin. Two years to the day after my last post my husband Shawn died. Died. Seems ridiculousous to say even still.

I used to love writing in this blog. Then life became more and more complicated and it seemed to me that when I wrote it down, it became real.  I didn't want anyone, even people who would never know me, to feel badly.  I started keeping paper journals.  I hid them.  This is my life. All of it.

So now I will try to play catch up. Two years leading up to his death, the end, the fall-out, and pulling myself from the ashes.

Life is still beautiful, I am grateful for all of it.
Let me collect my thoughts.