Friday, March 6, 2009

Out of sorts

Just out of sorts. I can't put my finger on it but it drives me nuts.

I feel tired and unfocused.
I have to remember to talk myself out of these moods. It works pretty well although I will catch myself sliding back into the gray and have to fight it off.

I feel lost.

I recently signed up for facebook after much nagging from a friend of mine. It's alot of fun catching up with people who I haven't run across in years. Shawn has a facebook too so it's fun for us both, sometimes he hijacks mine and writes ridiculous things and vice versa.

Anyway the thing is that Shawn had ALOT of female friends as a child and they are coming out of the woodwork. Then there is the girlfriends of those girls and they all seem to think Shawn is a celebrity or something.
I really had no problem with it except some of them are a little too agressive in my opinion. They send messages through his inbox, asking more personal information and I think it's crossing the line.

A few weeks ago when Shawn went in for his first touch up, while I was waiting for him to come out of surgery his cell rings, it's this girl he grew up with..she said she hadn't heard from him and was worried, she knew he was having the bronch the day before. She had even called his fucking grandmother to find out what was up.
He had given her his number, which I knew and was irritated about to begin with. Believe me this girl is no threat to me on a physical level, she is not anything Shawn would think was attractive but it's the fucking ego stroking that I'm pissed about.
Oh poor Shawn, Oh you've been through so much...Oh blah blah blah...Which that is fine he can't control what they say but don't continue the conversation don't feed it.
He will have three or four of these conversations going on at once it's ridiculous.

Am I just and insecure twit, threatened by the fact that he is healthy and doesn't "need" me anymore?

I try and gauge my reaction by saying what's good for the goose is good for the gander, would it be alright for me to entertain old "male" friends of mine? Of course guys don't blather on incessantly like women do but anyway.

So now I have this crappy ugly feeling in me. I'm not young enough, thin enough, pretty enough, and on and on.


Kim said...

Ok, Tina, time for a talkin' to! You ARE thin enough, pretty enough, young enough... everything enough for Shawn. You are a beautiful woman, he is damned lucky to have you and he knows it. I don't think you are overreacting to his getting calls etc from other women, to me that's a bit over the top and I'd react the same way. Sometimes I think guys just don't know how to say "don't call me" tactfully... I don't know. This whole transplant thing is bound to bring up some weird issues/dynamics, it's a HUGE change! Things will settle into place over time and he will lose some of his "celeb" status :) I'm a willing ear any time you want a cup of coffee and a reality check. Talk soon and hang in there, girlfriend. <3 Kim

Amy said...

Oh girl!!!!!! I am giving you a huge cyber hug!!!!!!!

You are not being an insecure twit at all! Ok well maybe slightly but I would be too :)

I would be annoyed at the feeding into as well. Its one thing to have them all over asking questions and its another to ALLOW them to continue on.

The girl calling the g-mom is WAY over the boundaries! Ties need to be severed immediately with that one! She may not be a physical threat but she is still there calling his g-mom to find out. She is psycho!

Like Kim said, this is all new to everyone and over time it should wear out. Especially all the women calling and getting info about him. They are just as intrigued by it as any of us would be, maybe even more since lung transplants aren't a daily topic to them.


Lisa said...

I would be crazy if that happened too! Sorry hun!! You are awesome and Shawn is so lucky to have you!

Tina said...

Thanks Ladies

Anonymous said...

Ohh, that's a tough one. Honestly my feelings would be hurt to know that someone feeding into his ego continues to call and blah blah blah.

If the girls were mellow and sincere with their well wishes, that's different. If you feel like they aren't sincere in their respect for you ands Shawn as husband and wife, then I'd let Shawn know how you feel.

But really....I just have this feeling that Shawn isn't letting it get to him the way you may be worried about. He knows you ROCK, and I seriously don't think he'll EVER forget that!!!!

You rock, he rocks and your family rocks! Nothing and no one will get in the way of that. :) :)

Hugs to you!