Well since I've received some positive reinforcement re: a "me" post, here goes nothing.
I'm tired. My mind is trying to drag me in a million different directions and I'm fighting it. We're broke, but I don't care. I'm not even broke by some standards, I'm filthy rich to someone, I'm sure.
So it's all perspective right? Half empty, half full.
I'm half full. Half full and that is just fine with me.
I'm making some big decisions here, I'm making them because someone I love very much is incapable of letting go. Letting go of "stuff".
I'm not a stuff person. Never have been. If I have clean clothes, food in my belly, a book or two, some classical music, maybe a plant, a shitbox to get from point A to point B, somewhere clean to lay my head at night I'm set. Everything else is free right? My husband, my daughter, the air we breathe, the pure beauty that nature is, the sounds of the ocean, the birds, laughter, free free free.
Maybe that is overly simplistic but it's the gist of it.
I have longed to live the simple life my whole life. I was able to do it...between husbands. Hahahahahahha. That's terrible to say but totally true. (my ex left when I was 6 mos preg, please no sympathy folks it was truly a Godsend! )
When I was just living for my daughter and I. My pregnancy was a huge awakening for me. I was truly on my own. I was determined to do it to the umpteenth degree. I wanted to start our new life with a totally clean slate, literally. My unborn child and myself were the center of my attention. I had never had that in my life. I was always living according to someone elses rules and ideals. When I spoke up I was the kooky one, I was nutty, I was way out there. But HA, finally I was at a point where I didn't care, I was going to make decisions with my own divine wisdom.
I did and you know what I made some really good ones. I chose to do things in a "pure" way. My pregnancy was natural ( no artificial ingredients), my dgtrs birth was natural, very slow (29hrs) and pretty painful but natural none the less, I nursed her, used cloth diapers, only organic cotton and usually second hand clothes, everything I did with her I tried to keep as "clean" as possible. I figured if I could keep her as natural as possible her body would do the rest. I also knew at some point she would make her own decisions and I wanted to teach her to make educated ones. She had a homeopathic/MD and to this day, she will be 13 in Nov, she has only been on abx twice. That was when I was in nursing school and bringing home loads of cooties.
So blah blah blah....the point is I am hoping to return to those roots. Back when I saved my money in a jar, when I walked everyday, and read and sang.
Back when a vehicle was just that, a vehicle.
Rest in Peace Aunt Marybeth
1 year ago