Saturday, August 16, 2008

O.K. I have a few more minutes to myself.

Like I was saying, I don't feel like I am ready for this. I know he's sick, I know he can't breathe, I know his quality of life is in the toilet but still I feel like it's not time yet.
I am afraid. I feel scattered all over the place. There are so many things that I wanted to have done before the transplant.

I don't want him to come home to a "sick" house.
I wanted him to come home to a clean place. This isn't it.
We are drowning here. I can not do this by myself, but I have no choice.
I need to get rid of everything. All of the old furniture that was here when we bought the place, the tools, the misc crap.

You know what, none of these entries make any sense to me.
They feel disjointed, there is no flow to them.

I suppose my head probably looks much the same.

I'm going to cook dinner for my Babe.

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