Getting it together....trying to

Mental health check. Still having a really hard time staying focused at all. Agitation sometimes getting the best of me. I tried a new med, blah. Definitely exacerbated symptoms. Back to the drawing board. I had a very productive and destructive manic phase. Unfortunately even my swings are so sudden and frequent I can't take full advantage of the tiny window of good energy. Grrr.

Life goes on. During my upswing I spent more than I should have and blew our budget for the month. Shawn is none too happy. I even bounced a check!!!! We have so much going on too. Really we've been so active socially I'm feeling a little burnt out. We went out last Fri to a cook out, Saturday our niece slept over, Sunday we had Shawn's brother and his wife over for some nice beach time and Sunday evening we had company again. This weekend Sara has a birthday party from 2-5, then we have a clambake that is running from 5-10, we also have a block party that same night that is running 6-11. Sunday is my Nana's 88th birthday so we'll be going up to NH. Wednesday we are leaving for Buffalo to meet up with our friends who are from Florida but will be in NY for a family wedding. The third week of August I think we are going to Virginia to visit my Dad and do some camping. Crazy busy.

I'm trying to get my seaglass out and about. I keep creating things and my home is being overrun. I'm learning new techniques and really enjoy just working with my hands. The glass is so tactile I love it. I'm very pleased with the feedback I have been getting.

Shawn is doing great, feels good is getting plenty of fresh air and exercise. Sara and I really take advantage of living on a beach. Almost everyday we meander over at some point and take a dip. The two of us in our noodle chairs just floating and chatting. It's the best.

I've accomplished something

OK so yesterday I had a kick ass day and completed two pendants that I have been working on. Well maybe "working on" isn't exactly accurate, more like agonizing over. Sometimes I find a piece of sea-pottery that just calls to me and then I have to decide what to do with it, usually it sits in my "special" tray and I look at it, stare at it and wait for something to inspire me. Well yesterday it came to me. The first piece is for someone very special and someone very special to her commissioned it. I will be making a coordinating piece for "him" as well. I am very excited to send him a picture of it, hope he approves and likes it. If not it's alright because frankly I love it and would really like to keep it for myself, Muwahahhaha

The second piece I call "Old Souls" the sea-pottery is very old, well over 100yrs and I love love love the colors, the haggard used look of it and the pattern, the small wheel to me represents the idea of a second chance, always a new day, a circle of time.

Both pieces are done with Sterling Silver. Actually not my favorite metal because it tarnishes. With a bit of care it stays shiny and brand new looking.

I threw these shots in because I think it's difficult to judge the scale unless you see it on a body. Most artisans will provide the dimensions of a piece but I can never wrap my mind around it unless I actually see it on a body.

Supplies have arrived!!!

I have been waiting for some supplies to arrive for my jewelery and yesterday there on my doorstep was the little box!
Drill bits which are soooo tiny, some leather cording, and my beautiful sterling silver wire at last.
Shawn also picked me up a bottle of my glue that I use for mandalas so I am good to go.



This piece which is a pottery shard is going to be used in a piece for a friend of mine. I love the color, which is pretty uncommon and the intricacy of the design. So delicate looking but clearly has withstood the test of time being tossed around in the ocean for God knows how long. I have not found a similar piece.

I think she will really like it, hopefully she'll love it!






So anyhoo it's a gorgeous day outside, and I'll be hitting the beach soon. I have not seen my "stalker, C" since my husband went to the Police so I'm hoping he won't be a problem. Plus now that the weather is warming up there is usually at least a couple of people on the beach, walking or playing with their dogs.
Honestly I feel best when Shawn is down there with me. I'm petrified of getting zoned out looking for seaglass and having 'C' catch me by surprise. I've gotten into the habit of keeping a lg rock in my seaglass bag ( which is a cotton drawstring sack), I figure it's easy to swing and control. Plus I wouldn't have to fumble around for it and it's not an additional thing to carry.
I always have my cell phone and whistle too.

Enjoy the Day!!!

Step 1 sorting

Three jars of misc blues...you have to sort on white in the sunlight in order to see the subtle differences in color

















After sorting for about an hour this is what I have
several shades of blue,old royal blue from old Milk of Magnesium bottles or new royal blue from newer wine bottles, seafoam greens, pale blues, sky blues and blue blues

Focus Focus Focus

Well I'm stumped today. Frustrated by my lack of focus. What am I doing? What is my purpose in life. How does one go about finding their purpose? how do commit to something? Rather why can't I commit to something?

I know the usual 'find what you love'

I love so many things, I love the ocean and the beach, I love people and helping them, I love to learn about alternatives...alternative thinking, medicine, nutrition, exercise. I love gardens and flowers, fruits and vegetables. I love creating and growing things, I love to nurture. I love to give people hope and to bring them joy. I love to write.

I love so many things and I know a little about a lot but not a lot about a little. I'm sort of 'Jack of all Trades' except in my mind. I am a quick study and am often frustrated that I don't know more about things that others seem to know about.

Today I can see I am trapped in my head. Shawn will tell me that it's alright, it's one day, but I don't like it.

How does someone sit down and complete a task? I have so many ideas in my head regarding my seaglass that I am overwhelmed by them. I come to a bump in the road and get discouraged I give up too easily. Instead of just finding the solution to the problem and remedying the situation I just wallow in it. What the hell is that about? I usually know what I need to do I just don't take the steps to do it.

Blah blah blah What a bitch session this has turned out to be.
I am squandering time and I hate that. I'm not engaged in life today. I'm just here.

Ugh..........not long ago these ruminations would have led me to thinking of going to sleep. Going to sleep in hopes that when I wake up everything would be crystal clear, an epiphany will be born and I will be alive again.

Now I know that sleep is not going to help. I know I have to work these things out, putting the pieces together like an intricate puzzle. Pull my fragmented mind together for the sake of living, engaging.
It's hard though.

Whatever the reasons my mind is not always looking out for my best interests and I have to be cognizant of that fact. My mind keeps me in the past and in the future but never in the present and that is how time slips away from me.

So right now I am going to try to reconnect with the present and stay in it. It's a lot harder than it sounds. My mind is very quick to wander away.

I am going to dump out a big jar of glass and sort through it, focusing on the feel of it, the textures, colors, shapes, imperfections and weight of each piece. Lucky for me my glass is sorted by color and usually even by age/thickness.

I am going to focus on making one thing. something small. earrings.
Yes earrings. I recently learned how to make my own "findings"...that's the metal part of the jewelery. So earrings it will be. Color. hmmmm? O.K. this could be a stumper. Blue. Blue because it is so gorgeous and it reminds me of the sky and the sea all at once. Blue because it is cool and calm, just like me. HA!

O.K. Blue earrings. Ready set go!

Overwhelmed

I'm not sure if it's the weather or the chg of seasons coming on or the fact that Shawn has to back in for surgery tomorrow but whatever it is I am totally out of sorts.

I'm frustrated with myself for not getting my seaglass shit together.
I have some really beautiful pieces that I've made that I haven't posted because I can't get a picture that I'm happy with.
I don't want to post pieces because I need supplies, cording, clasps etc so I can actually deliver the piece. I'm not ordering supplies because I am overwhelmed by the choices, afraid I will order the wrong stuff. Ughhh. I am overwhelmed by the amount of glass I have collected but I can't help myself it's beautiful...

Oh Yeah I want to post a picture of something I found on the beach while carousing with Shawn.
There are a couple of things that make this a totally amazing find and frankly I'm glad Shawn was there with me because it's unbelievable that something so tiny jumped up at me.
What makes it special?

1) the color...red is the holy grail of seaglass
2)the shape...it is a faceted square piece
3) history....may have been in a ring
4) the size...it is tiny and the fact that it somehow made it's way out of the ocean and up onto the beach to me is incredible
5) what is it? glass, a ruby, a garnet? who knows?

I love it! Check it out:

Ugggggh I hate trying to put pictures up !!!!!! They never show up where I want them to!