The Concert

We had a good time but Sara did not really want to stand with me because I insisted on wearing some tiny Cindy Lou Who ponies on the top of my head. I mean what the hell if you can't wear ponies to a freaking "Panic at The Disco" concert when can you ? I held my ground and wore them and since the place was maybe 1/4 full they could stand on the floor @ the stage and I could sit in the 2nd row next to them.

Jordache bag

When I was a kid, you went shopping for clothing twice a year, plus you'd get clothing on almost every holiday. I used to get so pissed . At 13 I was really hoping for a cool Jordache bean shaped purse that was all of the rage at the time. I don't remember what they cost but I didn't have enough, so I was hoping for the purse or cash so I could get it myself.
No I got a dreaded hat mitten or glove and hat set. EEk. The ones that came in the box with the celophane windows so you could get a immediate peek at your knit and faux leather "Zayres" winter set.
I ended up shoplifting one. We got caught Oh my God but that's another story.

You got practical gifts. sweaters, socks, bathrobes,batteries. Then you got your biggies. the ones your were hoping for, we usually made list, our wish list. I might do that this year. Then we can pick something special and appreciated. I hate when I am just getting shit to get it. So I have something to reciprocate with.
Better yet all my gifts this year will be made by my own two little hands. Well i amy have some help but still not made in a far away land.
O.K I'm adding that I can purchase something really special if it is hand made. Craft fairs here i come, I might just cruise them for ideas.

Things are not cherished anymore

.......Remember when you had to earn your money, and you saved it up for something you really wanted and you couldn't wait until your birthday to get it.

I thought a lot about this over the last few years. I know parents whose children will never know how special it is when you save your pennies and nickles, birthday money, etc and buy your own "special thing"

These children want. They want everything that they see in the endless parade of commercials that break into the marathon sessions of television watching. They want everything their peers have, everything they see in a mall or magazine. They don't want just toys either, it's video games, dvd's, MP3 players, laptops, cell phones, clothing, it's crazy. They have everything. Everything.
They walk on it literally. The floors are littered with toys, costumes, piggy banks, train sets, GI Joes or something like him, dolls, the dolls clothes, the doll stroller, changing table, the dolls kitchen, it's crazy they litter the floor, I can hardly blame the kids , gigantic rooms overflow, stacking bins, book cases, chests, closets can't contain the vast amount of "stuff" there is.

A trip to any where that has any merchandise is a mandatory gift getting trip. Some parents buy something for their kids nearly everytime they leave and return, not from a trip mind you, I mean they ran to the grocery store for milk and come back with action figures, stickers, cheesy plastic toy guns or some crap. If the kid goes with them they tell the parent what they want and they get it. It's used and then the next gift negates the first.

I love little things maybe cause I'm short

I love the ocean, I love minitures , I was always in lice with "The Littles" as akid, they were little people with tails that lived in your walls, and were responsible for the things you just couldn't find. Hmmm "Where is that spool of thread and my wooden match box? y'know.
Anyhoo makbe miniture oceans, beaches, something like that. How about cure CF drawn into the sand on a miniture beach, maybe the ocean would be lapping at it, erasing it. Has that been done somewhere?

I see I went totally off of my original point some six million words ago.
I want to start one of those "Things I want to do" lists I've seen on some other blogs.
My head is always full of things I want to do and I do write them down but in misc notebooks, on corners of mail, on index cards, in journals, on calenders, covers of binders, schedulers. My house is full of my lists. My precious epiphanys. My river of thoughts and ideas and feelings that are constantly flowing through my mind. Sometimes it is quiet and comforting as a trickiling stream, and then sometimes it is a raging, roaring river filled with, rapids, head splitters, those crazy suck holes that crazy kyakers get caught in and nearly or maybe they do, they drown in them upside down, yikes no thanks. More and more my minds river has been somewhere in between, flowing quickly enough to be challenging but it is also still enough to be beautiful. I'm happy here. I'll enjoy it while I can.

I just looked back and my post was bout 4 or 5 different things so I chopped it up and posted it that way. I felt like it was very random'ish.

So I'm having a good Day.

I Hate Landscapers

Leaf blowers ! I read my friends blog and I went insane, she mentioned leaf blowers!

Hey those suckers produce higher decibels than a construction site. I hate them, they were trying to ban them in Wakefield or Lynnfield. Disturbing the peace!

But then all of the local landscaping companies wouldn't be able to scam the IRS, exploit the illegals and provide excessive noise and air pollution. Not to mention trying to navigate around the enormous trucks and trailers blocking the road, very dangerous. The delicious mold, mildew, pollen, animal waste etc that is ground up and blown up into the air, your air! Agggggg!

Also neighbors would have to actually come out of their houses, for more then running to the car. They might even smile, wave at each other. Get some exercise raking leaves, fresh air, interacting with your kids, jumping in piles, teaching about composting, the circle of life and all.
The wonderful smell of burning leaves wafting through the air.

I SAY BAN THE LANDSCAPERS!!!!!!!!

Hire the kids in the neighborhood, I made all my dough shoveling in the winter, raking leaves in the fall, cutting grass in the summer, clean ups in the spring! Remember when you had to earn your money, and you saved it up for something you really wanted and you couldn't wait until your birthday to get it.

I'm getting off subject so to be continued.....

Big Night Tomorrow

Wednesday is going to be a very special night. Sara Lou turns 13 in Nov. I am taking Sara and her best friend Amanda to see "Panic @ the Disco" in concert. It is a very cool band in the teen world, I guess. I have been force fed their music for the last 6 months, I actually like it. So I too am really looking forward to enjoying the whole experience.
I'm so excited to be making this kind of memory with Sara. Do you know what I mean? Her first concert, and a cool group too. She'll always look back on this, it will be one of those scattered events in your life that stick out. It's a good time in our lives right now.

We're moving, starting over, making so many healthy changes, Shawn's going to finally get better, we'll have our peace back. I am very grateful. I feel like we are walking into the light.

So here's to feeling good, making memories, and living life!

Another day enjoyed

First thing this morning I had an appt w/ my therapist, she's great. I respect and value her opinion. I have been feeling a little off balance, not terribly bad but just labile. I wanted to make sure that it was o.k. that I was o.k. that it was o.k. for me to be having a hard time . I'm good in general, I feel good, positive. But I keep getting the overwhelming feeling of being drunk, like things are not real, or they are in slow motion or something. Just for a few minutes at a time but it's a really strange and unsettling feeling. I just wanted to be sure it was o.k. , I'm not losing my mind or anything. Do people know when they are losing there minds, when they are going crazy. Is it possible to walk on a line and slip into it a bit, but then"snap out of it" or "pull yourself together".

Any hoo, she thinks I'm fine, that it's o.k. for me to be a bit flaky, to have mini-melt downs. She describes a pressure cooker that lets off small bursts of steam , it won't boilover if the heat is turned down.

So I am working on turning down the heat.
I feel so wonderful to be able to have the opportunity to start new.
This new place, Shawn's new lungs soon, the ocean we will have our lives back, but this time we won't have all the baggage we've been dragging around for so long.

A fresh start, our new peaceful life. Thank God