What the ??????????

So last night at like 10:30 Shawn see's on his cell he missed a call. It's J our landlord. (Who is actually the dgtr of the owner) She tells Shawn whatever. I was sitting in the living room putting finishing touches on a seaglass mosaic and he's standing there doing alot of "what?", "why" and "when". I knew something was wrong. You could feel the change in the air. He hung up came over and delivered the news. "We have to move"
I called her right back and asked her what was going on and she said the same. She refused to give and explanation, said that it was NOT personal, strictly business. I said what business? You want more money? Nope. I said I felt like we deserved the courtesy of at least an explanation. She refused asked me to respect her families privacy. Oh fuck you.

I know that it has to be her moving back here. We never met her, she was already out in California with her parents. She is a firefighter here in Swampscott, her husband is in the service and is overseas. I just think that she is moving back and just won't say so.

What can I do? I'm devastated. Anyone who knows me knows we LOVE this place. Anyone who knows this place KNOW why.

I'm going to try very hard to make this o.k. I can't handle another big NEGATIVE in my life. I am supposed to move forward as if I chose this path.

OK. I am grateful that we have had this beautiful place to live for the past year, that Shawn has had a safe clean environment in which to recover in, we have all made good friends here and loads of good memories.

But God damn if I knew her plan was to come back in a year I never would have signed on. Grrrrr.

Ugh. I am pretty worried about Shawn today, he is DEVASTATED. There is nothing worse than seeing that look on his face.
But alas at least I am looking at a healthy pink gorgeous alive face,right?

So...right this minute I am thankful for this amazing wonderful healthy and happy year we have had. I look forward to finding someplace even more perfect!!!!!

feeling good

So here I am today feeling better. I have kicked my Wellbutrin to the curb for now along with all other prescription meds. I have returned to the basics. I'm back to good old St. Johns Wort. Today marks a full week on it and I feel oh so much better. Even with the hormonal swing of my period I've done pretty good, if I do say so myself.

My Father is sick. My brother went down to see him last week and reports back that he is weaker and even more frail looking than he was a few months ago. Peter said Dad was super short of breath and coughing alot. Deja vu perhaps. Eek. He was transfused with 3 units packed red blood cells so that should help. I'm working up my courage to call him. I have to see him soon. I hate the idea of knowing that he is sick. He is. Cancer what a fucker. Considering that he was diagnosed last October primary site lung with mets to the brain, liver, groin he is lucky to be here.
I wish he would come back home. What is he doing down there? What's going to happen when he is too sick to take care of himself?

My husband is staying with his Uncle Carl for a couple of days while his wife is away on business. Uncle Carl just had brain surgery last week to remove a tumor, he's doing great, looks a bit like a screwy baseball but amazing that he's up and around already. That poor bastard has been through two very nasty bouts with cancer of the tongue and throat already. Time for a break.

Shawn is doing awesome. not listening to me much but I guess that is nothing new.

I love the Fall my favorite season I think. November is our lucky month!!! Sara Lou and Shawn both born in November and of course his transplant on Thanksgiving. So very much to be thankful for.

Slooooow Dooooown

Well this is a super quick post to say that I had about ten full days where my head was quiet. So quiet and so happy. Then I sort of started sliding down. I'm up today, not quiet but not all bad either. I am hungry and tired and restless and disorganized. I feel fat